Mornings with Alan Joers

Posted on Sat Oct 12th, 2024 @ 2:08pm by Alan Joers
Edited on on Sat Oct 12th, 2024 @ 2:10pm

1,757 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Boys of Summer
Location: Joers Estate, Poolside, Santiago Bay

ON::

Alan Joers straightened in his chair and glanced at the daily news reports laid out before him. He wrinkled his nose in disapproval upon seeing the price of Vulcan Blueberry jam. Taking a sip of his cup of Brian's beans, he checked the time. As he put on his wireless headphones, he turned his attention back to the main screen, where his co-presenter was nearing the end of their segment. Adjusting his glasses and placing them back on his face, he reviewed the script and the list of questions he had prepared for the interview. Just as he noticed his studio door opening, his guest, Flick McGuy entered.

"Ahhhh Flicholas take a seat. The show is about to start. How are you?" smiled Joers, offering Flick the vacant seat at the console and handing him another set of headphones.

"I am well, Alan. It was good to see you at the country club the other day. My father was quite impressed with the quince paste you had brought along with the Colby Cheese," smiled Flick as he unbuttoned his snug suit jacket.

Smiling at the comment, Alan was poised to respond when his attention was captured by Jim Chambers of the Country Hour wrapping up his report on grain prices in the Andorian Gulf over his headphones. With a subtle gesture, Alan motioned for Flick to maintain silence as he confidently pressed the button, triggering the console to smoothly announce the beginning of his radio show. "Ladies and gentlemen, a warm welcome to the captivating world of the Alan Joers show."

"Welcome, everyone, to the Alan Joers show on this fine day of January 2389, broadcasting from the esteemed Federation Base nestled in Santiago Bay. We have an exciting lineup for you this morning. Firstly, I must share my astonishment at the news I came across recently. Brace yourselves: the price of our beloved humble blueberry jam has skyrocketed," exclaimed a shocked Alan into his microphone. "Honestly, I'm at a loss as to how I'll satisfy my cravings in the coming week, especially since I have some delectable crumpets arriving from Earth. Truly shocking! Nevertheless, let's move forward. Joining us in the studio today, or rather, my poolside room of the apartment, is a distinguished guest, a Member of the Federation Council, Flick McGuy. Good morning, Flick!"

"Alan," McGuy spoke nervously, his eyes fixed on his companion. Meanwhile, Alan was engrossed in a diligent search within his desk, desperately seeking a ChapStick amidst his belongings.

"So, can I ask you the first question regarding the embassy issue? Will there be plans to move the embassy to Bay and advance diplomatic solutions with the Breen Confederacy?" inquired Joers humbly. He paused briefly, taking a sip of his coffee, and setting the cup down as he awaited a response. Delicately puckering his lips, he ensured that the ChapStick glided smoothly, providing nourishment and relief.

As Flick observed the old man going through his fish routine, he glanced at the notes provided by his assistant and wife. "Well, the President is now starting the process of considering that possibility," Flick began, referring to his prepared remarks. "He has expressed some positive sentiments regarding it and has also announced plans to strengthen our diplomatic ties. However, currently, the situation remains chilly in terms of progress on that front. Diplomatic solutions, one could argue, are being pursued discreetly," he squeaked, catching sight of a glass of water in front of him. He took a sip, waiting for Joers' response.

"Considering that Santiago Bay had an embassy prior to the attack, why hasn't it been given the priority it deserves?" inquired Joers with a tone of genuine concern. His gaze rested upon Flick, anticipating a thoughtful response.

"Well, there has been an issue regarding the rebuilding process, as you're aware, Alan, and as you know," explained a well-articulated McGuy. "The original embassy was located in an area that was severely devastated during the attack. The President has faced pressure to allocate resources for the reconstruction of priority areas before reinstating the diplomatic corps," McGuy continued, attentively observing Joers' reaction to gauge his satisfaction.

"From my understanding, you have already voted against the appropriations bill. Could you please clarify the reason behind your decision?" asked a puzzled Joers. "There are rumours suggesting that your wife has been advocating for increased funding to support her campaign in the upcoming election. Is there any truth to that?"

“Well, these are separate issues Alan one is the diplomatic department and the other is party seats. I had voted against the bill because I felt it was the best interests to make Santiago Bay able to support herself if she was attacked again. We have asked the CEO of the Eversonian Institute Bethany Renton to provide a further cost analysis. We just want to make sure the funding is spent in the right places.” Seeing Joers nodding in agreeance with his statement, “Furthermore, today's announcement the more commitment in funding to the Eversonian is good. Obviously, it upsets those on the opposition, Alan. What they fail to understand is that if you don’t have a good defence structure, think of it this way it’s the carrot and stick approach we need to have the big stick against the Breen.”

"That's a fair enough response to one of my points," cackled Joers, taking a sip of his coffee.

"I must admit, I was hoping you would conveniently forget about that," chuckled Flick.

"This upcoming weekend, we have a by-election—an event that holds immense significance. However, let me clarify that its importance lies not only in its impact on the future of the Government but rather in the dire need for exceptional candidates within the Federation. And that is precisely where Jenny McGuy comes into play," explained Joers, his curiosity palpable as he patiently awaited the moment for his trap to be set.

"Yes, indeed. Jenny had initially hoped to succeed Anthony Paesano at the end of his term. However, since he has decided to run for another term, my wife has made the decision to contest the Federation seat of Parker. Hence, this weekend holds great significance for the President and his government. If my wife succeeds, it means he gains another valuable vote in the assembly," confidently explained McGuy as he locked eyes with Alan. "So, Alan, what exactly are you trying to insinuate?"

"I'm here to investigate how your wife ended up in this race. Rumours have been circulating, alleging that your associate is involved in a racketeering scheme, stealing, and exploiting spice routes before selling them to businesses throughout the Federation. Another claim suggests that your wife is associated with an underground adult film venture, supposedly using the profits to fund her campaign. These are just a couple of examples I can mention today. Flick, I'm curious to hear your response," inquired Joers, casually removing his shirt to reveal his ageing hairy chest. He then draped a towel around his neck to absorb the beads of sweat forming there.

"You've been having lunches with Mazlish, haven't you?" McGuy interrogated with growing agitation, his mind already strategizing his next move.

"I have lunch with many people, Flick. Yes, Mazlish and I have occasionally enjoyed a meal together, followed by a visit to a Turkish bathhouse. So, what about these accusations?" pressed a curious Alan, dabbing his armpits with his towel.

"These rumours are nothing but foul and baseless allegations," retorted Flick, his tone growing more assertive as he undid his top button. "If you're seeking skeletons, perhaps it's worth looking into Mazlish's own career. I assure you, he has a far more extensive collection than my wife and I could ever assemble," he added with a touch of confidence.

"This Saturday isn't about him," replied Alan, dismissing the previous topic. "But let's shift our focus. Were you present at the press gathering held at the Colonel's Penthouse over the weekend? I'm quite certain I saw you there."

"Yes, I was there, Alan. It was quite an enjoyable party," responded Flick, taking another sip of his water.

"We witnessed a young man speaking about his acts of heroism," remarked Alan, his voice filled with admiration, as he took a brief sip of his coffee.

"That's absolutely correct. Chief Petty Officer Chip Lauder embodies everything that every Starfleet member should aspire to be," spoke a confident McGuy.

"Did you ever join Starfleet, Flick?" asked Joers curiously.

"No, I never had the opportunity to join Starfleet. Unfortunately, I have a medical exemption due to having flat feet," replied a nervous McGuy, realizing he might have unwittingly stepped into a trap.

"Interesting. Before you ask, no, I didn't have the chance to join Starfleet. I was too occupied working for Channel 4. Pecker had me running his errands, mostly fetching jams and dealing with tourists," responded Joers. "Anyway, for our listeners, if you haven't heard already, Chief Petty Officer Chip Lauder was recently awarded the prestigious Christopher Pike Medal of Valour. These awards are not handed out lightly, making it a truly historic moment."

"Absolutely, it's undeniably a monumental moment," smiled Flick as he glanced at his notes once more. "Frankly, what he accomplished aboard the USS Saber is the stuff that should be written in books."

"I couldn't agree more. I've been persistently trying to get him on the show, but he seems to be evading my calls. Nonetheless, that should wrap it up for this week, Flick. It's always a delightful experience to have you on the show," smirked Joers, casting a quick glance at the clock.

"We didn't even discuss Mazlish's involvement at the Sagan Remembers event," replied a defeated McGuy, his eyes lingering on his notes where the Jim Mazlish incident was marked with a prominent circle made by his wife.

"I'm aware of that. Unfortunately, we'll have to save it for next week," smiled Joers as he casually wrapped the towel around his neck.

Seeing a visibly frustrated McGuy, he rose from his chair and placed his headset down before swiftly exiting the room. Resuming the show, Joers glanced at his watch with a sense of urgency before continuing, "And there you have it, Federation Member Flick McGuy. I extend my best wishes to his wife for her success, and hopefully, that will put an end to those baseless rumours. Up next, we have the delightful Deborah Wolstein joining us to share her expertise on creating the most delectably spreadable Strawberry jam. But before that, let's dive right into the latest news updates."

OFF

 

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